so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
