Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
