So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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