i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
be right there i have to get my cape
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
