My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
