Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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