we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
