Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
