I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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