i think my tv is drunk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
