Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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