Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize