I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
