haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
