When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
