I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
