Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize