the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
