I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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