I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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