gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
