If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
