I cockslap morals
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize