this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize