Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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