So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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