A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
