i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
