Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
