I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
