If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize