I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
