I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
