Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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