just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize