I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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