He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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