just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
