Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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