I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said her name was "party"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
