But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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