One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
