so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
