i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
