i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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