Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
