I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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