Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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