i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
