how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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