NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
