almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
