he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
