I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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