i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
