Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
