the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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