Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
