I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Alive.
So much puke
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
