He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She told me I should be a condom model.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize