Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
