matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
