Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
