Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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