So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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