Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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