Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
