Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
