hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
