i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
