Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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