my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
