You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
