Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
