Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
