It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
