I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
