If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
