omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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