i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
