from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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