I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cut my penus on the lid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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