I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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