is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
