Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
