Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
