I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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