i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
