I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize