I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize