Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
