Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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