Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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