I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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