What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
