Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
