At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
