whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
