Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
