At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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