Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
