508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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