In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
