i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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