He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
