You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
