i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
