It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
