something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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