I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
